I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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