Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
