What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
