There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
