Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
