Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
