Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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