Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dear god my vagina.
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