Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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