It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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