I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
