Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
