so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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