he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
