He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
