This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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