I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
