i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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