he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
