Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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