He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
