wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
