We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
