Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
