Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
