There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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