Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
