I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize