3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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