Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
