woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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