I want to have your abortion
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
