Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
