ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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