why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
