3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
