listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize