but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
