I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
