We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
