She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
