Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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