Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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