Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
