I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
