i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
