how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
