Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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