____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
