; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
