Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
