you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize