we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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