How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
