I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I want a musical about memes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
