how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
