she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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