I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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