Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
In America we eat man semen.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
