could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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