yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
