I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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