why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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