I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
